This weekend I began taping my web series "Secret Passion", seen in this photo with two of the stars Anthony Rice and Tiger Gibson. I initially had big plans for this show just like the comedy show that's now in hurry up and finish mode. I often try to reach back and offer people a chance to learn the business. That always bites me in the butt and they usually thank me with either bad attitudes, back-stabbing or disrespect. So after the fiasco that nearly ruined this weekends shoot I have officially decided that my days of working with amateurs on any level is over. I'm about to wrap out all the little no budget projects I'm working on and focus my energy on securing funds for the feature my partner and I have been wanting to develop. No more teacher here. I'm done teaching people the business , giving new talent opportunity and providing free production services. My new heart song is F*@k you, pay me.
On a personal note I think as odd as it may sound I'm falling back in love with The Sitter. It's something about the concept of my child growing up with his parents together that keeps me connected to him. On another note I must admit there are other men in my life that still cause my heart to skip a beat. Saw Mr. G this weekend at the shoot and there is still some slight romantic tension there. I don't think it's enough of a spark to rekindle our old flame but it's enough to make me smile inside when I see him. I just always seem to put my foot in my mouth around him so no matter what I say I somehow figure out a way to insult him. I'm not sure if I'm a jerk or he's too sensitive but either way we just disconnect. Then there's the Children's Champ, a social worker I've been smitten with for some time and although he's aware of my feelings for him he's never expressed any real romantic feelings for me other than to be around somewhat consistently and support me in all my endeavors. With all of my woes, especially the medical ones I know men should be the least of my worries but I think to some degree we all need companionship. I worry that a relationship will get in the way of my career moves as well but it's hard to not want a mate, someone to bounce ideas off of. It' going to take a special man to make me feel secure that he won't disrupt my career path but will hold my hand through my medical problems and be a good role model for my son. It's a lot to ask of a man but the special man who can handle it all is out there. I think I'm finally tired of going it alone.